Love.
Oh, so very complicated.
Let me just say, I was never looking for love. All I wanted was someone who I could share good company and have some harmless adult fun with.
Somewhere between the first kiss we shared and the intimate moments before bedtime I felt myself falling. This was not the plan
those words have crossed my mind over the past few days.
Am I in love? Is this real?
I know what I feel is way too real. Yet I am unsure what to do with the feelings that are deep within me.
We had another glorious weekend. I couldn’t muster up the courage to tell him how I really felt, because I don’t want to be the one to tell him those three special words.
I feel like there are moments when I feel tense and afraid around him because I am so scared of messing things up.
Since I was a little girl I dreamed of being a wife someday. I just didn’t understand how hard it was to find that one person that I would and could love forever til the end of time.
I know that we have only been together a few months, and only time will tell how all of this plays out.
Until then I will keep my feelings to myself and the online blogging world.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
Dating update
I know that I promised to stay on track with this whole blogging thing. Sadly, I didn’t keep my promise. Life happens and sometimes I barely have time to check even facebook. I feel so out of the loop sometimes and it’s kind of sad that we now rely on social media to keep us informed on all of our friend’s happenings in life. Anyways…
For about 2 months now I have been seeing someone. I went through the period of dating 2 guys, feeling the situation out and seeing how it would all play out. I ended up choosing one who I really felt a connection with.
I think that the hardest part in this relationship thus far was telling him about the situation at hand (being young, single, and infertile). At the time of the TAH I wasn’t thinking about the someday of having to tell some guy the whole story.
When I began dating again, this was always in the back of my mind. I felt like I was keeping this big secret that needed to be told before I could fully allow someone inside to see the real me.
There really isn’t a perfect moment or point in a relationship to tell someone what I had to tell him. I knew that he had a love for children and wanted to someday be a father (that made the telling part that much harder). It didn’t go as planned and looking back there is so much I would have done differently, yet it is what it is, it’s done and over with.
I was surprised that he was really supportive and willing to give “us” a chance. He handled the situation at a more mature level than I thought he would have. I hope that this guy sticks around for a while. 1. Because I really don’t want to start over by telling someone new. 2. He is pretty darn special and I like him a lot. :)
For about 2 months now I have been seeing someone. I went through the period of dating 2 guys, feeling the situation out and seeing how it would all play out. I ended up choosing one who I really felt a connection with.
I think that the hardest part in this relationship thus far was telling him about the situation at hand (being young, single, and infertile). At the time of the TAH I wasn’t thinking about the someday of having to tell some guy the whole story.
When I began dating again, this was always in the back of my mind. I felt like I was keeping this big secret that needed to be told before I could fully allow someone inside to see the real me.
There really isn’t a perfect moment or point in a relationship to tell someone what I had to tell him. I knew that he had a love for children and wanted to someday be a father (that made the telling part that much harder). It didn’t go as planned and looking back there is so much I would have done differently, yet it is what it is, it’s done and over with.
I was surprised that he was really supportive and willing to give “us” a chance. He handled the situation at a more mature level than I thought he would have. I hope that this guy sticks around for a while. 1. Because I really don’t want to start over by telling someone new. 2. He is pretty darn special and I like him a lot. :)
Saturday, June 4, 2011
quite a scare
This week has been a very interesting week. Words cannot describe the emotional scare that I experienced.
Since the hysterectomy I have felt amazingly great.
no pain.
no signs of remission being over.
Last week this all changed. I began experiencing an all too familiar pain.
yes, pelvic pain.
At first I didn't want to believe it, I thought that if I just took some ibuprofen it would disappear. This was not the case though. It began to become persistant. I even had pain the entire day while teaching my kiddos. It was a scary thought, yet sadly reality.
There were so many thoughts going through my head. First and foremost I was concerned for my new relationship. the boy knows me as a healthy girl who had endometriosis, but is now in a remission stage. I was scared to know how he would feel about this possible kink in our relationship. I gave him an 'out' because I didn't want to give my heart out and have yet another relationship fail because of endometriosis. Given the track record you can see why my guard is up.
The boy was very supportive and said that he was willing to take the risk and see what happend. He was so confident that maybe it wasn't the endometriosis but something else. Everyone had confidence but myself. I knew deep in my heart that something was not right.
I phoned my doctor with my concerns and scheduled an appointment for the next day. I saw my doctor on Friday. He did a pelvic exam and concluded that I have inflammed tissue from an upper respiratory infection as well as sore pelvic muscles from too much activity. No endo was present ( or so he could tell via pelvic exam) .
This whole ordeal was really an eye opener for me. I realized that I was becoming to comfortable in my own skin so to speak. I can't just treat my body as one that is healthy because I will never just be an ordinary girl.
I am glad that the outcome of this ordeal was a positive one. I am trying to remain positive and keep my chin up.. I am also trying not to jump to conclusions when a simple ache and pain comes my way.
Since the hysterectomy I have felt amazingly great.
no pain.
no signs of remission being over.
Last week this all changed. I began experiencing an all too familiar pain.
yes, pelvic pain.
At first I didn't want to believe it, I thought that if I just took some ibuprofen it would disappear. This was not the case though. It began to become persistant. I even had pain the entire day while teaching my kiddos. It was a scary thought, yet sadly reality.
There were so many thoughts going through my head. First and foremost I was concerned for my new relationship. the boy knows me as a healthy girl who had endometriosis, but is now in a remission stage. I was scared to know how he would feel about this possible kink in our relationship. I gave him an 'out' because I didn't want to give my heart out and have yet another relationship fail because of endometriosis. Given the track record you can see why my guard is up.
The boy was very supportive and said that he was willing to take the risk and see what happend. He was so confident that maybe it wasn't the endometriosis but something else. Everyone had confidence but myself. I knew deep in my heart that something was not right.
I phoned my doctor with my concerns and scheduled an appointment for the next day. I saw my doctor on Friday. He did a pelvic exam and concluded that I have inflammed tissue from an upper respiratory infection as well as sore pelvic muscles from too much activity. No endo was present ( or so he could tell via pelvic exam) .
This whole ordeal was really an eye opener for me. I realized that I was becoming to comfortable in my own skin so to speak. I can't just treat my body as one that is healthy because I will never just be an ordinary girl.
I am glad that the outcome of this ordeal was a positive one. I am trying to remain positive and keep my chin up.. I am also trying not to jump to conclusions when a simple ache and pain comes my way.
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