I will be the first to admit, staying positive isn't something I excel in all the time. While I was in the midst of my endometriosis period in my life, I said and did some pretty harsh things on facebook and to people whom I called friends.
The human body is so complex, even after all the surgeries, tests, and studying I still am in awe of how our bodies work to function on a daily basis. It is evident that pain wasn't in the master plan, but nonetheless we all experience pain from time to time. Some more so than others. I am sure that my endo sisters could understand the point I am trying to make. Endometriosis is beyond painful.
During my endometriosis journey I felt horrible, looking back I realize that I was literally living in a fog, far from the real world. Life seemed worthless, unfair, and hard. I was beyond mad at God for giving me a disease that controlled my entire life in almost every aspect. No one could tell me anything, because in my eyes, from my point of view I was cursed for life.
Because I failed to listen to anyones advice I missed out on alot of fun activities, milestones, and events that should have molded and played an important role in my early adulthood years.
Somehow, someway pain has a crazy way of blocking out a portion of realization. Now that I am on the outside looking back into what my life used to be I have a totally different view of how things were and what they should have been like.
My recovery process has been easy in retrospect to other women I know, yet I am struggling with so much. I had/ have some of the most amazing friends from endometriosis support groups. We have cried,laughed, struggled, and celebrated together. We have formed some of the best relationships. I look to these girls for support in life. It only seemed natural that we would remain friends like we once were. Somehow it all changed when I suddenly "got better". The girls I once relied on suddenly moved on, and stayed in a circle with others who can shar their pain. I no longer fit in, perhaps because my pain has subsided. The truth is, I miss these girls so much, life seems dull sometimes.
I wish that things were different and we could find a few more commonalities.
Sometimes I long to tell them something, yet I feel like it would only come out as a negative comment, because they arent always positive. I dont want to seem like I am disrepecting them, and I remember what I was like when I was in the same pain as them, listening to someone was out of the question.
So endo sisters, readers, and people who are suffering from any ailment.. Life is tough, the pain is inevitable, but stay positive and remember, there are many people who care for you and want the best in life for you.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
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